soba | ayabe

It can't.

[ he won't sugarcoat that. ]

But I'm sure there are plenty of people here who will be around to talk to you, if you want.

About what? How it feels to kill somebody?

[ There's almost a scoff in his words, because who else would that be? Toi. Hunter doesn't count because he was lucky enough to not remember it. And nobody else in this entire mansion has ever killed a person in their entire lives, Ayabe is so certain. ]

Well, I was thinking more like, isn't this where friends go and comfort you, or something?

[ whatever the fuck that's like. ]

... I doubt anyone would just ask you about that.

...Is that why you're here?

[ Are we friends ]

Do I look like someone who knows how comforting works?

You came here, didn't you?

[ Which is the big first step most people don't take to begin with ]

... that doesn't mean I'm doing any comforting.

[ toi has no idea how any of this is remotely comforting ]

You're talking to me...

[ Isn't that the part that's supposed to be comforting? He's also not sure. ]

Somebody taking the time to see if I'm okay, that's comforting. Something like that.

[ ugh. horrible. ]

Well? Are you okay then?

[ Toi is doing great. ]

...No. I just killed my friend.

[ He is not okay and there is nothing Toi can do about it and this is why Ayabe doesn't have those sorts of conversations where he goes to comfort somebody either, he has no idea what to do and how anybody can help in return. ]

Yeah.

[ he just nods. ]

It sucks.

Yeah. It does.

[ He falls silent.

This is how comforting works. ]

[ it's very comforting. extremely. ]

What do you usually do to distract yourself?

At home, I'm too busy with housework to be caught up in my thoughts. Here... I try to read. Or I try to sleep.

[ Both are only tries, though, when it's so hard to focus sometimes, and nightmares are still a thing. ]