soba | ayabe

[ He squints a little at Toi. ]

This isn't some video game where I spend enough time with somebody to become friends and get a gift at the end...

[ if only friendship were as easy as social linking ]

I don't play video games.

[ he's a terrible 14 year old ]

[ Toi is an alien ]

...Okay. So what part of that is mean?

I don't mean that people are being jerks on purpose or anything.

In general? The people here?

[ He points a finger at himself because sometimes he's a jerk on purpose? He can be mean. ]

[ hmmm ]

Never mind.

[ hm

Well. Ayabe has no idea what he was getting at, so he can't pursue it any further if Toi's decided to drop it. ]

How are you doing mentally?

[ What does it feel like to kill a man ]

That's a pretty direct way of asking.

[ he actually sounds... amused. ]

[ He could have been more direct. He could have asked what it feels like to kill a man. ]

Do you need me to be more delicate about it?

Not really.

I was scared. I never faced something like that before, and I wasn't sure what to do. I didn't think a gun would do anything. And then Asch told me to kill him, so I did.

[ Ayabe bows his head when Toi says that he's scared, because that's the most normal reaction there is to any of this. Ignoring Zenitsu and Nie Huaisang who is always like that— nobody shows it, nobody admits it, nobody can afford to. That's what it feels like, hanging out with people who have so much more confidence and strength than himself.

So it's somewhat comforting, hearing this. ]

Is that why you chose the gun, thinking it wouldn't do anything? [ He had refused to kill Asch at first, Ayabe recalls, but then again, that was before he transformed and forced Toi's hand. ]

Was that the only thing in the box?

The box...

[ hm. ]

I just picked up a gun. I don't know how to describe it.

[ is he ignoring the first question? yes. ]

[ He is ignoring both questions, thanks, Toi. ]

Like you were compelled to, or were so focused on that that you couldn't see anything else? I'm only asking because Michiru chose something different. I guess she wouldn't choose a gun if she can't see.

[ And for Toi who's never fought, a gun might be his weapon of choice, not needing anything requiring strength. ]

It wasn't really a compulsion? It just...

[ this seems too complicated but he is not sure how to explain. ]

I just felt like it was what I needed, so I grabbed it.

[ That tells him nothing. Ayabe heaves a sigh. ]

At least you were able to get out of there— [ "alright," but Toi did not get out of there alright. He just got out of there. ]

Barely.

[ he sounds

very frustrated about that. ]

...stupid. Whatever you're thinking, I'm relieved you got out of that. There was nothing more you could have done.

[ Think of it as being fortunate. ]

[ hnnn... he can argue, but he chooses not to. ]

I'll try not to get in a situation like that again.

You'd better not. I wonder why they chose you. Or was it your choice?

[ It doesn't feel like it. But there was also Michiru walking out of the house to exact her revenge the week prior. ]

It was random, apparently.

[ he sounds..... annoyed. ]

But last week I remember Peach told Kaioh she could do it.

[ Ayabe looks rather uncomfortable about that, although Michiru was justified in wanting to be the one to do it. Nobody here wanted to kill Asch— maybe normally they would've jumped on the chance to beat his ass, but not for this, not to kill when it wasn't his fault. ]

That's not fair at all. But to ask somebody else to pull the trigger, somebody who's used to it, would that be any fairer?

[ Who here is used to killing and wouldn't mind doing it? Nobody should be used to killing, that's the fundamental problem there. ]

... no. But they probably wouldn't agree with you.

[ life is a lot different afterwards. ]

People like to protect each other. Like you said, right?

It's what I believe. What I hope is true.

[ But who knows, there's people out here who would kill over the smallest thing. I still can't believe Melt didn't murder Nia last week. ]

Then if it's true, they'd still want to do it.

Even if it might not be fair.

[ He wants to be that person who would take the bullet for everybody else so nobody has to shoot one of their friends, but realistically, in Toi's shoes, he would have started crying and Asche would have killed him, so.

Hm. ]

There's no use thinking about it. Ideally... we won't have that situation ever again. I should leave and let you rest.

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soba - 2020-03-03 22:02 (UTC) - Expand

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kazokun - 2020-03-03 22:03 (UTC) - Expand