zenitsu

[soba]

meme here

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[soba]

[ i'm fuckin losing it... ZENITSU.....,,, ]

... do you need anything?

[swordflash]

[ don't kill. it's bad.

he shakes his head as he hugs his knees. his clawed fingers dig into his clothes. ]

If you're tired, you should go rest. You can use my room. The key's in the bag.

[soba]

I'm not that tired.

[ so he doesn't mind waiting here ]

[swordflash]

It's not stuffy?

[soba]

Do you think I would be here if I didn't want to be?

[swordflash]

[ the strained smile falls. he blinks. ]

Why?

[soba]

[ ... ]

Why what?

[swordflash]

It's not just me, you know. If anything happens, you might get hurt.

[soba]

It'll be fine.

[ he's in there and toi is out here ]

[swordflash]

[ he can't help fearing for the worst. still, he doesn't try to shoo toi away again.

instead, he pipes up after another long moment: ]

It was fun, playing games with you and Mr. Brown.

[soba]

... if you wanted to do that kind of thing, you could have asked.

[ granted he gets why

zenitsu would not ]

[swordflash]

I didn't think you'd be interested. You didn't seem interested in anyone at all.

[soba]

Really?

[ ... ]

Well, that's good then.

[swordflash]

I didn't understand it at first. I still don't understand why you'd want to push everyone away. Are you that afraid of getting close to someone?

[soba]

[ stop making this about him ]

It's just easier this way.

[swordflash]

Doesn't it get lonely?

[ no. ]

[soba]

I guess so.

But...

[ how to... say this... ]

[swordflash]

[ talking about feelings is hard. but they've got all night, especially if toi intends to stay a while longer. ]

[soba]

There's really just not much of a point to it.

[swordflash]

What? Of course there is. Why would you think that?

[soba]

You know, with Anya she kept bothering me to be friends. Every time we ran into each other, she'd ask about it.

So, eventually, I finally said we were friends. And then she died two days later.

[swordflash]

You did?

[ he is so proud. and anya's death isn't toi's fault. ]

She's still here, though. She's watching and sending letters.

[soba]

I know.

But when things like that keep happening, it gets... tiring.

[swordflash]

If you always keep the lid open or closed, you won't be able to gain or hold onto any happiness. You have to know when to close and open it.

[soba]

I'm not trying to find happiness here. I just want to make sure everyone gets out.