[ toi is familiar with two things from his stay here. the first, getting horribly injured sucks. and the second, having to be the executor also sucks.
so he waits a couple of hours before he goes to check on ayabe. there's a light knock at the door. he sees that it's slightly open, but he's not going to just walk in. ]
[ Okay, so. Neither of those things are things anybody should become familiar with. Ayabe's managed to avoid both these things up until this morning when he got hit with a double whammy of them, but after the kappa butt memories kicking him into dissociation and the magic bean healing the wound on his back, everything's just
numb
fake
Like everything's gone back to normal. ]
Come in.
[ Like it's still a few days ago, and we're all still inviting people in like vampires. Fake. ]
[ Wow, so he only gets deathbed visits and that's it. ]
It's fine. That- ...Brilith gave me something.
[ He barely registered it as a bean, to be honest, but he sits up now, demonstratively, and although he's a little sluggish, he can move perfectly fine. Makes him wish they had more beans and earier too, considering all the injuries people have been getting. ]
It's like it never happened. That's sort of what it feels like...
[ PEOPLE HAVE HEALING ITEMS AND THEY'RE JUST NOT USING THEM Ken has healing goop? it's right here in this room? and yet Ken just chooses to continue to suffer and Toi has no choice not to continue to suffer, because he's not giving Ayabe any indication of how bad his injuries are. ]
Almost. But it did. I... killed somebody. And that can never be erased.
[ There's almost a scoff in his words, because who else would that be? Toi. Hunter doesn't count because he was lucky enough to not remember it. And nobody else in this entire mansion has ever killed a person in their entire lives, Ayabe is so certain. ]
[ He is not okay and there is nothing Toi can do about it and this is why Ayabe doesn't have those sorts of conversations where he goes to comfort somebody either, he has no idea what to do and how anybody can help in return. ]
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week 3, sunday
so he waits a couple of hours before he goes to check on ayabe. there's a light knock at the door. he sees that it's slightly open, but he's not going to just walk in. ]
Hey. It's Kuji.
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numb
fake
Like everything's gone back to normal. ]
Come in.
[ Like it's still a few days ago, and we're all still inviting people in like vampires. Fake. ]
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but no, he'll shuffle in, shutting the door behind him. no visitors while he is here. ]
How's your back?
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It's fine. That- ...Brilith gave me something.
[ He barely registered it as a bean, to be honest, but he sits up now, demonstratively, and although he's a little sluggish, he can move perfectly fine. Makes him wish they had more beans and earier too, considering all the injuries people have been getting. ]
It's like it never happened. That's sort of what it feels like...
[ Denial. ]
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... right.
Almost like it never happened.
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Almost. But it did. I... killed somebody. And that can never be erased.
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[ he won't sugarcoat that. ]
But I'm sure there are plenty of people here who will be around to talk to you, if you want.
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[ There's almost a scoff in his words, because who else would that be? Toi. Hunter doesn't count because he was lucky enough to not remember it. And nobody else in this entire mansion has ever killed a person in their entire lives, Ayabe is so certain. ]
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[ whatever the fuck that's like. ]
... I doubt anyone would just ask you about that.
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[ Are we friends ]
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[ Which is the big first step most people don't take to begin with ]
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[ toi has no idea how any of this is remotely comforting ]
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[ Isn't that the part that's supposed to be comforting? He's also not sure. ]
Somebody taking the time to see if I'm okay, that's comforting. Something like that.
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Well? Are you okay then?
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...No. I just killed my friend.
[ He is not okay and there is nothing Toi can do about it and this is why Ayabe doesn't have those sorts of conversations where he goes to comfort somebody either, he has no idea what to do and how anybody can help in return. ]
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[ he just nods. ]
It sucks.
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[ He falls silent.
This is how comforting works. ]
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What do you usually do to distract yourself?
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[ Both are only tries, though, when it's so hard to focus sometimes, and nightmares are still a thing. ]
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It's easy enough.
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[ staaaaaaaaaaaaaaarre
what's your favorite food, Toi ]
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but he looks around to see what ayabe is staring at ]
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he looks back ]
What?
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