ayabe

[soba]

meme here, probably

Comments

[kazokun]

[ Okay, so. Neither of those things are things anybody should become familiar with. Ayabe's managed to avoid both these things up until this morning when he got hit with a double whammy of them, but after the kappa butt memories kicking him into dissociation and the magic bean healing the wound on his back, everything's just

numb

fake

Like everything's gone back to normal. ]

Come in.

[ Like it's still a few days ago, and we're all still inviting people in like vampires. Fake. ]

[soba]

[ oh if ayabe is fine he's leaving goodbye



but no, he'll shuffle in, shutting the door behind him. no visitors while he is here. ]

How's your back?

[kazokun]

[ Wow, so he only gets deathbed visits and that's it. ]

It's fine. That- ...Brilith gave me something.

[ He barely registered it as a bean, to be honest, but he sits up now, demonstratively, and although he's a little sluggish, he can move perfectly fine. Makes him wish they had more beans and earier too, considering all the injuries people have been getting. ]

It's like it never happened. That's sort of what it feels like...

[ Denial. ]

[soba]

[ as someone currently heavily injured, toi agrees. ]

... right.

Almost like it never happened.

[kazokun]

[ PEOPLE HAVE HEALING ITEMS AND THEY'RE JUST NOT USING THEM Ken has healing goop? it's right here in this room? and yet Ken just chooses to continue to suffer and Toi has no choice not to continue to suffer, because he's not giving Ayabe any indication of how bad his injuries are. ]

Almost. But it did. I... killed somebody. And that can never be erased.

[soba]

It can't.

[ he won't sugarcoat that. ]

But I'm sure there are plenty of people here who will be around to talk to you, if you want.

[kazokun]

About what? How it feels to kill somebody?

[ There's almost a scoff in his words, because who else would that be? Toi. Hunter doesn't count because he was lucky enough to not remember it. And nobody else in this entire mansion has ever killed a person in their entire lives, Ayabe is so certain. ]

[soba]

Well, I was thinking more like, isn't this where friends go and comfort you, or something?

[ whatever the fuck that's like. ]

... I doubt anyone would just ask you about that.

[kazokun]

...Is that why you're here?

[ Are we friends ]

[soba]

Do I look like someone who knows how comforting works?

[kazokun]

You came here, didn't you?

[ Which is the big first step most people don't take to begin with ]

[soba]

... that doesn't mean I'm doing any comforting.

[ toi has no idea how any of this is remotely comforting ]

[kazokun]

You're talking to me...

[ Isn't that the part that's supposed to be comforting? He's also not sure. ]

Somebody taking the time to see if I'm okay, that's comforting. Something like that.

[soba]

[ ugh. horrible. ]

Well? Are you okay then?

[kazokun]

[ Toi is doing great. ]

...No. I just killed my friend.

[ He is not okay and there is nothing Toi can do about it and this is why Ayabe doesn't have those sorts of conversations where he goes to comfort somebody either, he has no idea what to do and how anybody can help in return. ]

[soba]

Yeah.

[ he just nods. ]

It sucks.

[kazokun]

Yeah. It does.

[ He falls silent.

This is how comforting works. ]

[soba]

[ it's very comforting. extremely. ]

What do you usually do to distract yourself?

[kazokun]

At home, I'm too busy with housework to be caught up in my thoughts. Here... I try to read. Or I try to sleep.

[ Both are only tries, though, when it's so hard to focus sometimes, and nightmares are still a thing. ]

[soba]

Maybe you can try cooking here?

It's easy enough.

[kazokun]

I do cook here sometimes, but it's pointless if nobody eats it.

[ staaaaaaaaaaaaaaarre

what's your favorite food, Toi ]

[soba]

[ hint it's his username

but he looks around to see what ayabe is staring at ]

[kazokun]

[ He is not staring at anybody but Toi. There is nothing else. ]

[soba]

[ ......

he looks back ]

What?

[kazokun]

You can comfort me by telling me what comfort food you like.